just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
