So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
vagina is talking i cant
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
