Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Randomize
