i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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