Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize