shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
