Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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