Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
