420 ftw
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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