his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
