Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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