I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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