We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You're like the curious george of whores
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
