Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
