throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
