a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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