i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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