I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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