My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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