Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
