he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
