Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
There's always time for handjobs
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
