My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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