I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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