worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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