I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
