Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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