I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
