im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
