Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
The adults are the big ones right?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
