Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
