Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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