Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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