Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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