I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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