Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
