Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My butt remains clenched, sir.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
