**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
