Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Its about making memories worth repressing
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
