Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
