you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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