Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
