I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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