my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
false alarm. still invincible.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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