Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
