i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
