I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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