I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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