it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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