you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
