We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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