Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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