It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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