Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
