he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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