because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
