i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
