just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You're a waste of cheezeits
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
