I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
