They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
