Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
