Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
