So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
