My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize