She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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